I Still… November 14, 2007

 

I am still alive, still hoping

I am still waiting, still listening

I still want you as an inspiration

I still want to dream of you

I still have few whys

I still have some unanswered questions

I still want to live for you

I still want to pray for you

I still trust you more than myself

My heart beat still remembers you in every hit it makes.

I still think of you every time I smile, I cry, I succeed, I fail

I still miss you in every breath I take

My hands still want to feel the warmth of yours

I still want to talk to you, want to tell you

I still want to say something which I have never said before

And I am sure you still want to hear that

In short I still love you and that still will stay until my soul become still

May be I still don’t know how to Express myself but I still have the feelings

I still….

Still there are lots of stills.

And with that I Still hope you are still the same…

-Dedicated to Someone special who really deserve this.

Who is right and who is not…? July 30, 2007

It was blustering evening. So, I decided to watch the movie “Life in Metro” in my newly purchased DVD player. Though the movie was very good and showed the new ways of people having and managing their relationships – The bitter truth of this Fast life of metro cities. Truly speaking, the movie left me with some question marks in my mind. And I never leave any question unanswered in my life.

Well, this time I wouldn’t do any commentary but will come directly to the point. In the movie, I watched the mam (I don’t the remember her name) who must be 60+ living in old age home, because of stupid son, having relationship with Dharmendhar singh who was also of her age. Their respective spouses were deceased long before. Well, their relationship had very good inception. A inception which can lead to successful relationship. They both started loving each other. Yes Loving and planned to live together. So coming to the point, My stupid mind poked up a question. “Hey Avi…!!! Is this relationship acceptable to you? What do you think about it?” I was wondering my mind is asking me what I think. WoW. (God, Will this mind ever allow me to watch any movie peacefully…

The thing I want to represent over here is what about their past life experience hindrance in their new life. Considering they both had a pretty good life and relationship with their legal spouses. So, wouldn’t the memories of their past love tease them. I know, I shouldn’t use the word “past love” over here. But sharp person will get that. So, I am still unable to answer this question. Because my both parts of brain are in serious contention. Let me represent the arguments of my both hemisphere (two parts of brain). Right hemisphere (RH) is in favor of this relationship and Left (LH) one has adopted the opposite path. Let’s see how they are arguing:

 

LH :- How can they form a new relationship…I mean in this age?

RH :- Don’t tell me… We are in 21^st century and you still think in this way

LH :- So wat? Let me tell you I think they both are doing wrong thing. It is unacceptable in society.

RH :- Stop it!!! What is this society? To hell with this society. Does this society provide the livings to them. Did this society help them when they needed them most

LH :- Okz….leave the society. But what about their own self-esteem? Doesn’t it matter? I mean how would they both feel when they’ll see the picture of their respective spouse in future? May be I wouldn’t able to face that.

RH :- hmmmmm……..point. But Left hemisphere, my brother, if one is gone from our life then we should stop our life over there. Here gone is not a break-up. And this gone is not our hands. I think if they feel good with each other they should go for it.

LH :- It isn’t about the feel, Right hemisphere. Its about the loyalty. Okz here is the point I want to make. They both are going to give each other the position which they had given to their resptive husband and wife. I mean come on. At this age. No way. By the way, did their deceased spouses left them on their own will.

RH :- Good point….but my lovely brother Love has no age.

LH :- Okz…. But it is re-love. I know there isn’t any word in dictionary like this. But this is the point I want to make, its not love damn. They had loved someone and now this. I wouldn’t call this love at all.

RH :- Okz…. I think I have to defend my argument scientifically. Do you remember the word emotional securance in Crook’s theory of behavioral psychology.

LH :- Yeah..?

RH :- This is what they are doing. Don’t be emotional yaar. Sometimes, few things are out of the bounds.

LH :- okz…….agreed..!!!… tell me one thing then don’t they embarrassed their own love (past love) by doing this. What they must be feeling… Using the psychology theory of facing the stress. They must have adopted the Avoidance Oriented Strategy?

RH :- I don’t want to agree but yeah they must have. And they should be. I know what you are saying is right according one’s principles, according to social and moral values. But yaar, Humans are not made for these rules but these rules are made for humans. So Why we always consider these things above human’s happiness.

LH :- Hmmmm……. But still yaar I think they will be emotionally satisfied and will get their senses back (Emotional Securance phase completed, Mature phase starts : Crooks theory). They will lament. How will you defend that lamentation then?

 

So, you must have noticed the arguments. They both have made unable to make a conclusion. So, I need your help. Tell me who is right and who is not but with answer of WHY?

The Trends….. July 25, 2007

This article is dedicated to my friend “N” who took me on his date to accompany him. He made me realize of one thing that today’s Trends of having unnecessary and unrewarding (means in which both gets nothing in the end) relationships are becoming the Need of today’s generation. The generation here involves the people of every category. You must be thinking what basically I am talking about. I am talking about today’s generations most needed demand. I am talking about The Trends of having Boy friends and Girl Friends.

I am not against these things. The problem is people don’t want to be committed, they are having few girlfriends or boyfriends but still yearning for more or in other words they have lost the true meaning of “commitment” and how, I’ll explain it later. It should be kept in mind over here that I am not talking about the people who are or have been in well committed relationship but only the trends which the mostly young generation is following.

What really inspired me to write this are the reasons given by people behind having such relationships. Now I am telling you few real life examples of boys. I once asked my friend who is quite flirty that “Why you want girl friends?” he responded “If I didn’t have any, then why would I have been so famous among my friends.” I rhetorically replied “Why you want to be famous among your friends?” No response came from other side. My other friend answered the same question by saying “See, I have girl friends and that’s why I am the center of attraction among my friends”. My other very closed friend said “Abe yaar, abhi nahin karenge to kab karenge” The other said “Yaar, I am following your point, Kabeer. Remember you once said me we all need emotional securence and that’s what I am doing. I am giving emotional satisfaction to different girls” I really had no reply to his answer as I was wondering how people take the right thing in wrong direction. One other teenager said “Why are asking me this when person X (my other friend) has 5 GFs and I have only 3”. You must be thinking it is the most stupid reason but you know what it is the actual reason. It is true that nowadays generally those boys are given more attention who have GFs rather than who don’t have any. Every one wants to show off over here. Everyone wants to be center of attention. Everyone wants to be dominant over others. May be this is what Charles Darwin purposed in 1859 in his Struggle for Existence theory. One more major reason behind having or keeping many girlfriends is LUST. Sadly, but it is the reason given by almost everyone.

There is also a group of people (both sexes) who want to have BFs and GFs but cannot have some, due to some various reasons. Specifically, those people face the real dilemma because this “can’t” sometimes distract them from their career and also causes problems in their personal life. The main problem they face is of inferiority complex. Being the student of psychology, I can understand how drastic this problem is and to what extend it can affect one’s life. It can cause changes in behavior (personality problem), hypertension, depression, low morale and addiction (smoking, alcoholic drinks, illicit sex). Addiction is specifically shown by boys.

I think I have enough criticized the boys now. Let’s see how girls defend their relationships and themselves? I am writing some reasons given by different girls

• To survive in today’s world, it is must that you keep few guys with you.
• Money ( Majority)
• Lust (very few, but there are)
• To show off (Bharam-bazi)
• Entertainment and enjoyment (in other words, Timepass)
• To be in trends and center of attention.
• One girl said me “yaar itni khoobsurat hoon, to nakhre sehne ke liye koi to chahey na.” Well, I admit she was damn beautiful. This one is for you “K”.

So, one can’t say it is only boys mistake. Both are equally involve in spoiling the society.

I have seen in my friends circle and other as well guys who have the GFs represent themselves in front of their friends as they have won the scholarship in Stanford or something. Its true they all do it satisfy themselves. Psychologically speaking, this is the included in a primary need of humans. We all satisfy or want to satisfy ourselves in one way or another. As, I have also gone through that phase of life as well. When I also liked to have girlfriends indeed I confess I had but luckily something or someone really made me realize that how wrong I was. I think most of the guys lack that “something” in their life. When I discovered the true value and meaning of a relationship and how it can transform the life of anyone. I thought how naïve I was. Though that something didn’t last for long but it really made me realize what I was about to loose in order to gain the transitory satisfaction.

I am not saying this that one shouldn’t keep GF or BF at all. What I am saying is at least be true to yourself and your relationship. In short, stop flirting and be serious. The word serious reminds me one more problem that is normally people don’t take these things very seriously. You can judge this from the ways children or we have grown. Have our parents ever talked about the value of relationships? Have our teacher done that? No never. So basically, from the beginning the value of these things is being underestimated.

Well, all Guys and Girls out there I want to ask you two simple questions. Basically, you have to ask these questions from yourselves, if you are in a relationship or planning to be in.

1. What do you really want from your relationship?
2. What is the future of your relationship?

If your answers satisfy yourselves then go for it. Otherwise, believe me you are loosing the gem. Let me define this word Gem over here. I am going to define very interesting theory of Behavioral Psychology in my own words:

Psychologically speaking, our hearts are like rubbers (in these love and kind of things). The more you stretch it the more it’ll loosen means getting older and useless in one sense. So basically when we have so many break-ups and again new relationships, this rubber looses its strength. The more new relationships we have the older it (rubber) will become. Ultimately, we lose the true meaning of commitment which we need for successfulness of our post-marital life. We wouldn’t realize this till we know and understand the disparity between the relationship with commitment and without commitment. So, for making this present as good for short time purpose (according to them which isn’t the case in reality) we are maligning our future and losing the real gift of nature and sadly most people aren’t even realizing this.

I think I have defined my point very well. Your comments are always welcome…..!!!

“No Theory in LOVE” Theory July 10, 2007

Few months back, i was sitting in garden and my friend “A” came to me..seems to be quite frustrated and red hot. He was quite silent for few mins and so m i. Finally i decieded to break the ICE. I asked “wat happened bros…u dont seems to be in right mood’. He replied after taking a long breath “Kabeer man, I know u r quite good in managing relationships and understand the intriguing girls”. I thought “do i really”. Futher he continued “But u know wat i hate them”. I intervened “Why wat happened to u today? U used to adore girls and their power of changing THE MAN”. he rejoined by saying “did i tell the power of infidelity they possess”. Finally he broke the ice “Kabeer, I had a break up yaar. I cant explain how bad she has done to me. I even couldnt dreamed of it that she ll do this to me…I mean to me. I hate her Kabeer, I hate her… did u get it I hate her now.”

Well this was the same man who even never allow me to make fun of her or to put a joke on their emotional relationship. What happened in just few days. I really used to respect their 4 year relationship. They were quite good in understanding. I cant reveal the reason why they broke up but it was a simple misunderstanding which wasnt fault of any1. It was just a simple gender difference which caused the conflagration. Well i tried to soothe him… Took him away for dinner and all. While returning home late in night, driving at speed of 100 km/h. Thoughts were flowing and questions were ragging in mind at lightening speed. The first question came in my mind. “What is love ?”. Atleast this isnt the love in which a person start hating his or her beloved only bcz he or she couldnt get his or her so-called love. Atleast not. atleast this isnt the love in which a so-called a strong wall of four year relationship of trust and committment broke with a throw of light stone. Atleast this isnt the love in which promises for living lifes together forgotten in instances. “I LOVE YOU” sentence converted into “I HATE YOU” without any reason. If someone really call it love….GIVE ME A BREAK…. Then i would never ever say to anyone that “I love you”…Indeed i would never like to fall in love.

Well coming back to story, Now it has been a time now. I talked his GF “G” as she is also very good friend of mine. I was the bridge in both of them. “GOD, HAVE U CREATED ME ONLY FOR THIS. What about ME”. Whatever, i never mind in managing relationships, both told their side of stories, and both werent willing to continue. G called me one night, “kabeer, thanks for support and being such a good friend, i wish everyboy could be like u (i thought WoW compliment) I called to say, I am sorry i dont want to conitnue this anymore so plz stop pushing me, i ll manage myself and u r there to manage him as well”. It wasn’t she alone who didnt want to continue.

So, what i have learnt. n did i get my answer of my question…? or yet not. “What is love..?”. I started doing a survey asking girls and boys about it. Majority of the girls replied “Love is all about care”. Really, i was wondering how can they have so mutual understanding and unfortunately boys weren’t serious about it.

Now what i think about THE LOVE..? From my POV, I believe Love is the noble, unprecedented and indescribable feeling. The feeling which is independent of thing that u got ur love or not. It really doesn’t matter. Love isn’t about Possessiveness at all. Like, Usually BFs don’t want their GFs to talk with other guys. I asked them WHY. Don’t u want to c her happy. If she feels good while talking with other guy then it never means she doesnt love u anymore. Indeed, Love is about Independence, support, acceptance, approval and encouragement. If one doesnt get his or her love, it never means he or she wasnt the love. and that’s what usually people do. And that’s where the problem is. I am really feel sorry bcz they themselves cause the embarrassment to their so-called LOVE. If in few words, Love is all about trust and commitment. Because with trust comes the understanding, with understanding comes the respect. With respect comes the Care. With Care comes the LOVE. With Love comes the INSPIRATION of LIFE. With Inspiration Comes the Success.

Bottom of the story is, If someone wants to truly feel the love then stop thinking does he or she love me as well. Instead of that, enjoy the feeling of how much you love them. And that’s what I called “No Theory in Love” Theory.

Best of LUCK for your LOVE LIFE. May God bring real essence of LOVE in everyone’s life to make their life more colorful than ever.

One more thing drop ur comments as well…regarding this…question in my mind..wat do u think “WHAT IS LOVE?”

Happy Loving.